At the risk of offending and confusing people, I am posting some songs and parodies that were created by the current undergraduates. Keep in mind that this is done as humor.
Modified from the Kids In The Hall Sketch.
Soze: [Spoken] Hi, I'm Soze Lakinger. I'd like to tell you about the Daves I know. [Singing: ] These are the Daves I know, I know These are the Daves I know These are the Daves I know, I know These are the Daves I know David Manthey He rows in the Dog Sally He's baked us cakes for years and years He hates the sound in Lally These are the Daves I know, I know These are the Daves I know These are the Daves I know, I know These are the Daves I know David Carr I've known since he first pledged He wears a black trenchcoat He may seem quite tetched These are the Daves I know, I know These are the Daves I know These are the Daves I know, I know These are the Daves I know Some of them are Davids [David Carr: But most of us are Daves] They all have their own hands But they come from different moms These are the Daves I know, I know These are the Daves I know These are the Daves I know, I know These are the Daves I know Dave Hinners Should have a Gaming Fez He plays Axis And Allies And he's married to our prez These are the Daves I know, I know These are the Daves I know These are the Daves I know, I know These are the Daves I know Dave Siebecker He's freckled and quite red He's tall and a big old Mac dork And makes whiskey bottles quite dead These are the Daves I know, I know These are the Daves I know These are the Daves I know, I know These are the Daves I know David Weinberg I don't really know him ... [Soze stands around, looking vaguely uncomfortable for the rest of the measure] These are the Daves I know, I know These are the Daves I know These are the Daves I know, I know These are the Daves I know [Next two measures sung by the Daves Soze knows:] We are the Daves she knows, she knows We are the Daves she knows We are the Daves she knows, she knows We are the Daves she knows Some of us are Davids But most of us are Daves We all have our own hands But we come from different moms These are the Daves I know, I know [Daves: We are the Daves she knows, she knows] [All: These are the Daves]
Sung to the tune of the Animaniacs theme.
It's time for Psi U Maniacs there's nothing we don't lack you may think we're cracked but we're harmless on impact we're Psi U maniacs! Come join your Psi U brothers from the chapter called EI for our higher educations we attend at RPI we live up on the hill down Burdett way past Troy High we go to class and hope we pass and now you'll meet the pile! We're Psi U maniacs Larry plays with Lurene's VAX. Dave Manthey brings us pies avoiding food that Cara buys We're Psi U Maniacs! Meet Kevin and John C. who tend to live in ChemE hell Grad students Dan and Greggums and JJ and that Michelle Miles plays the Kirby that the Adams try to fell Ted plays hockey, Dan's called Topsy Kirsten, she's just swell We're Psi U maniacs Elyssa moos and Pat's relaxed Jen's knee is finally back Mike and Alex tend to yak we're Psi U maniacs Tracy plays viola and Siebecker gets to toot Jared and Mike Rafferty meet Bubba if we goof Jossie is a weird one and Minh Tran plays Myth II Greggo flips while Doug P. trips as Garrett defines 'foo' We're Psi U maniacs We have pledgies piled in back Rob J plays with stacks while McNeil and Soze rant We're quite depravie Totally crazy Mike Patterson's latey Psi U Maniacs! (I'm done, relax!)
Sung to the tune of the Twelve Days of Christmas.
On my first* day of meal plan, I found in the pantry: 12 skanky pickles 11 veggies wilting 10 broken light bulbs 9 wrenches rusting 8 cans of green beans 7 puddles forming 6 pledgies' bodies 5 putrid things! 4 squirrel turds 3 dead pens 2 pop tarts ...and an onion growing green leaves.* Substitute the appropriate ordinal from first through twelvth, and sing only the appropriate lines.
If you don't know the original, you need to listen to Dr. Demento more.
Stewards and Signups. Psi Upsilon. Your pledges, like it or not, are attracted in their weaker months to the signups, and a setup like Stewards and Signups fuels their intense hunger, and makes them feel full, while drawing them deeper and deeper in the bowels of Psi Upsilon. This evening, the Dean of Students Watchtower invites you to sit in on an actual living room session. Observe the previously unobservable as a hidden camera takes you to the inner sanctum of Stewards and Signups.
Soze: Raffem. You have entered the door to the basement. The pungent stench of mildew emanates from the wet basement walls.
Doug: Where're the Cheetos?
Soze: They're right next to you.
Raffem: I get a Pop Tart!
Doug: Where's the Mountain Dew?
Soze: In the fridge, duh!
Raffem: I wanna get a Pop Tart!
Doug: Can I have a Mountain Dew?
Soze: Yes, you can have a Mountain Dew! Just go get it.
Raffem: I can eat any of these, right? On the list?
Soze: Yes, any of the middle shelf ones.
Doug: I'm gonna get a beer, anyone want one? Hey Soze, it's in the right fridge, right?
Soze: What fridge?
Raffem: I wanna sign up strawberry Pop Tarts!
Doug: The fridge he's eating all the Pop Tarts out of.
Soze: He hasn't eaten anything yet!
Raffem: I am though, if you'd let me. I'm eating strawberry Pop Tarts!
Soze: Why are you eating strawberry Pop Tarts? There's nothing to sign up here.
Raffem: I... I sign up the darkness!
Soze: Fine, fine. You sign up the darkness. There's a Fur in front of you.
Raffem: What does she look like?
Soze: She's wearing a brown foxtail, and she's signing up an orange juice, and an applesauce.
Lurene: No I'm not. I have a pudding.
Soze: Let me see that signup sheet.
Lurene: Well it says... Well it says I have applesauce, but I decided I wanted pudding.
Soze: Whatever. You guys can talk to each other now if you want.
Raffem: I am Raffem, treasurer of light!
Lurene: The how come you had to eat Pop Tarts?
Soze: You guys are being attacked!
Doug: Do I see that happening?
Soze: No, you're in the basement, by the fridges!
Doug: Cool, I get drunk!
Soze: There are seven pledgies surrounding you.
Raffem: How could they surround us? I had Garrett Rooney's Biting Sarcasm cast.
Soze: No you didn't.
Doug: I'm getting drunk, is there any ramen there?
Raffem: I *totally* did! You asked me if I wanted any leftovers before it got chucked, and I said no, but I need lots of caffeine for all my spells, so I cast Garrett Rooney's Biting Sarcasm!
Soze: But you never actually cast it.
Doug: Roll the dice to see if I'm getting drunk.
Soze: Yeah, you are.
Doug: Are there any leftovers there?
Raffem: I did though, I completely said when you asked me!
Soze: No you didn't! You didn't actually say anything sarcastic, so now there's pledgies, okay?
Doug: Pledgies?! Man, I got a pledge-book signing pen, it's got a +9 against pledgies!
Soze: You're not there, you're getting drunk!
Doug: Okay, but if there's any leftovers there, I wanna eat them!
There you have it, a frightening look into RPI's most frightening fraternity. Remember, it's not your pledges' fault that they're being drawn into a drunken world of nightmare. It's their roommate's fault, for making them feel outcast when they couldn't pull one single all-nighter.
Sung to the tune of Cows With Guns, by Dana Lyons.
[I don't know what events this refers to, so don't ask me. - Ed.]
Short and smoking, Tall and red They look so silly, they may seem dead Johns can't dance They drink tequila, rum and rye They drink to be drunken, no reason why Booze enhanced Nobody thunk it, they couldn't have known No one imagined the great John get-down Johns can't dance They hid in the basement, marked pipes with great zeal They chugged Montezuma, before any meals John Dumbass They spoke about justice, but nobody heard They stumbled through kitchens, flipping the bird Johns advance They yelled we must fight, it's a plot by The Man! Brothers gathered around, they'd unplugged the LAN Geeks with bats By then they were captured, thrown onto a couch Held down until sober, trapped in the house Johns see ants They were scrawny nerds who looked rather woozy And they'd already taken John the Red's Uzi Johns held fast Off came the belts now, then with buttons and zips Down went the breeches, and John went amiss Johns with pants Pulled down their black trousers and ran for the door John made it outside and jumped stairs four by four It's the Man! John picked up the vodka and jumped up on the porch We are free balling Johns now, we wear pants no more! We will fight for pantsless freedom And hold our buzzed heads high We will free ball with the best of them, or die Johns With Pants They crashed the screen in a great stampede Tipped over six packs, spilled all the mead Johns trash plants Twenty alumni piled in a heap The Johns clear it safely with a huge leap John hits pans Black smoke rising, stuff from meal plan Crap burning off the stove, turn on the fan We will fight for pantsless freedom And hold our buzzed heads high We will free ball with the best of them, or die Johns With Pants The Archon he said "enough is enough These Pantsless Johns, it's time to get tough" Risk managed The pledgies all gloated, e-board sighed with relief Tomorrow at eight, they'd be sober and reamed Jared rants The Johns were surrounded, they sobered on up They shot their last shots, they gulped their last gulps Johns depantsed The order was given to put Johns in their trousers Enforced by the might of ten Psi U brothas But on the front porch bearing down on the ruckus Came the deafening roar of tranms in togas We will fight for pantsless freedom And hold our buzzed heads high We will free ball with the best of them, or die Johns With Pants
Sung just like After the Battle
Bond sadistic, masochistic shafted again change of major year of graduation 'tute screw shafts us once again never, no never see the light of day again trapped here forever bitter souls until the end. Smashed and failing, drunk and flailing memory is gone barely breathing on the ground and heaving can't remember where I am skank, warm and foul can't keep the liquor down deep in my bowels think I need the pink stuff now. Skipping classes, pray for passes grading is done skipped a test and now I'm apathetic I'll wait until the sun is gone pulling all nighters gotta get leveled up my everquest fighter hacked my GPA right up.
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